When I Fall
by Iana
Summary: After "The Doctor in the Photo", the episode goes a lot AU. What happens when Brennan is left alone to pick up the pieces of a broken dream?
1. Chapter 1

**When I fall**

**By Iana**

"_I want to be wild and bold enough to run with you , my baby  
I want to skip time lay the hours aside and stay with you , my baby"_

Angela rushed through the doors of the hospital in such a haggard state that a nurse came towards her with a wheelchair, thinking she was giving birth. Dismissing the woman impatiently, she wobbled towards the reception area as best as she could with a seven month pregnant belly ahead of her.

"My name is Angela Montenegro, someone called me about a Temperance Brennan? I'm her next of kin."

The nurse nodded and typed quickly on the computer. "I'll page Dr. Hawthorne to come talk to you, Mrs. Montenegro."

"Can you tell me what's going on? Was it an accident?"

"The doctor will explain everything to you, m'am. I'm not authorized to divulge patient information."

Angela huffed and wobbled towards the waiting area. Managing to lower herself into one of the plastic chairs successfully, she grabbed her cell and dialed Jack's number. Despite the tension, she smiled when he answered.

"Hey, sweetie! Everything is fine. Jack, can you come over to Washington Hospital? No! I'm not having the baby now; someone called me here and asked me to come. Something about Brennan, I'm scared, Jack. Ok, see you soon. Love you."

She was placing the phone back in her purse when a petite, green eyed woman came towards her with a tight smile. "Mrs. Montenegro?" Angela jumped up as best as a seven month pregnant woman could and shook the doctor's hand.

"I'm Doctor Hawthorne, how are you doing?"

"I'm doing fine, doctor. I don't understand why I've been called here, though. Was Brennan in an accident? Is she okay?"

Dr. Hawthorne sighed, whishing she didn't have to give such news to a pregnant woman.

"Mrs. Montenegro, Dr. Brennan gave entry today at 3AM in critical state. She overdosed on sleeping pills."

Angela's face went pale as wax and she wobbled.

The doctor grabbed her arm and lowered her to the chair. "I'm sorry to deliver such news like this. Do you want me to call someone for you?"

Angela shook her head, eyes closed to dispel the awful light-headed feeling.

"No, I already called my husband, he's on his way. Doctor, how's she? What happened?"

"Mrs. Montenegro, for what we could gather from the paramedics, the night guard at the Jeffersonian found her in her office, passed out with a bottle of sleeping pills next to her, so he called an ambulance. We were able to pump most of the medication but she's in suicide watch for now. Mrs. Montenegro, I don't like Dr. Brennan's condition. She's underweight, sleep deprived and clearly depressed. Her file said she had a miscarriage last month as psychological monitoring was recommended. Do you know if she was seeing someone about that miscarriage?"

Angela stared at the doctor in shock. "Miscarriage? I didn't even know she was pregnant doctor, that's not possible!"

"Well, she was; Five months along, actually. She had a premature delivery and unfortunately the baby was stillborn."

The doctor noted how the other woman hugged her belly with both arms and winced in sympathy. "Mrs. Montenegro, I don't know why she didn't tell you but the truth of the matter is, Dr. Brennan isn't well. She's not talking, she's apathetic and unresponsive to stimuli; she's not eating. I can't release her until I know she's not going to attempt suicide again, do you understand?"

Before Angela could respond, Jack rushed through the hospital doors, face going white at the sight of his wife in tears. "Angie! What happened, are you ok? Is it the baby?" His wife launched herself into his arms, sobbing now. Panicked, he stared at the doctor who quickly explained the situation.

"Good God! Pregnant? Doctor, she went to work with us everyday and we never noticed anything! How's that possible?"

"Mr. Hodgins, sometimes it happens. What we need to concentrate in now is getting her help. Her drug prescription came from a Dr. Lance Sweets. Are you familiar with that name?"

"Yes, he's an FBI psychiatrist. He has sessions with her weekly."

"Good, that's good. He'll need to keep monitoring her when she's released. We'll keep her here for a couple of days and when she's released she can't be alone. Until she's better she'll need to stay with someone.'

"She'll stay with us." Angela said, wiping her eyes and cheeks. "Can we see her?"

"Of course. I think she's sleeping, but you can stay with her for awhile. Mrs. Montenegro, do you think the baby's father needs to be notified? I have a feeling he isn't aware of the miscarriage."

Thinking of Booth and his incredible stupidity, Angela gritted her teeth. She would call him alright. If their world was upside down now, his would be turned 180º degrees in a speed he could never, ever imagine. She would make his cozy, tight little life a living hell. And she hoped to take Hannah for a nice little ride.

"Oh, I'll pay him a visit, don't you worry. Actually, since Brennan is asleep right now, I think I'll go talk to him right away. Don't you think it's best, honey?"

Hodgins rarely got to see his wife in a nasty disposition. Angela was so easy-going and social that it was rare for her to be deliberately mean towards someone. Thinking of what Booth had done, though, he smiled sweetly at her. "Of course, my love. I'll drive!"


	2. Chapter 2

**When I fall**

**Chapter 2**

**By Iana**

"_But oh if I look down now , will I fall  
And what if the water's cold , when I fall"_

_Six months before_

Booth stared at the titled floor in Bones' bathroom, both hands on his head. What had he done? How could he have slept with Bones when he knew Hannah was waiting for him at their apartment?

All he could plead was temporary insanity. Bones' declaration and tears made him temporarily crazy and he had made a terrible, terrible mistake. _I got the signal, Booth. I don't wanna have any regrets._ He sat on her toilet, naked and pondered what he was going to do next.

He had woken up tangled together with Bones in her bed, after mind-blowing sex and for a second, just a tiny second, with her hair tickling his face and her soft body molded to his, his heart had rejoiced and he felt complete. Then his mind caught up and he got the proverbial bucket of cold water in the face; hence why he was now locked in Bones' bathroom while she slept.

Booth took another fifteen minutes to gather the courage to go outside and face the music. Since Bones was still asleep, he quickly gathered his clothes, dressed and left the bedroom. On his way to the door, he paused near her phone to write a note. Since words wouldn't come, he simply scribbled: "I'm sorry…" and left without a backwards glance.

He got home in the middle of the night, rumpled and smelling of another woman's perfume. There was no way in hell Hannah wouldn't figure things out. But to his surprise, she was sleeping soundly when he arrived. The only problem was that Booth was too nice and too straight. Consumed by guilt, he sat next to her on the bed and shook her awake. Crying, he confessed everything.

"Do you love her?" Hannah asked with an unreadable expression.

"Yes. But I love you." He replied with a shameful expression.

"Seeley, do you want to be with me?"

"Yes, of course I do!"

"Then you'll have to make a choice. I won't be the other woman. And I won't keep worrying about having you fight your feelings every time you leave in the morning to go to work." She brushed the tears from her cheeks with a resolute expression. The one that only came from a woman protecting what she felt was hers.

"What do you mean?"

"If you want to be with me, you need to end your partnership with Dr. Brennan."

Booth's heart dropped to his feet. On one side, he had the woman he loved and who actually loved him and who could give him his 5o years. On the other side, he had the woman he had loved for seven years but that he had no idea if would be able to give him 50 years without alienating both of them.

"Ok, I'll do it."

_Present day_

Angela seethed and fumed all the way towards the FBI building. Next to her, Jack was bouncing on his seat like a kid. They had no idea what had really happened between Booth and Brennan. All they knew is that Booth had ended his partnership with Bones suddenly and she'd had been devastated.

Jack was ashamed to admit that as the months passed, with the baby on it's way and trying to keep Angela healthy and happy, they haven't actually been paying that much attention to Dr. Brennan.

She hardly ever came over to lunch or just to talk these days.

He was pondering if they really were any better than Booth as he parked the car. Angela wobbled-stomped her way towards Seeley's office and didn't even knock, just shoved the door opened, looking like a pregnant warrior. God, he loved that woman!

Smirking, Jack stood slightly behind, just watching the show.

"Hello, Booth."

Angela said as a greeting then closed the door behind her.

Author's notes:

Thank you all for the AMAZING reviews. I loved every single one of them, you guys are great!

I know this Booth/Hannah situation reminds of the Ross/Emily situation for those of you who are familiar with Friends. I just borrowed the idea for awhile. =)

I love Booth. I really do. But I thought and still think he was incredibly selfish and careless regarding Bones feelings because after 7 years he should have known her a bit better, no? C'mon, it wasn't even a whole year! If he waited the whole damn year, she'd come to her senses, but noooooooo…. Not a consolation prize, my behind. So that's why I tend to make his life miserable for the next chapters. =D

I hope this chapter clarifies some of the timeline doubts.


	3. Chapter 3

**When I fall**

**Chapter 3**

**By Iana**

"_You see I've always been a fighter, but without you, I give up._

_It's been raining since you left me, now I'm drowning in the flood…"_

_**Remembering….**_

**He was pondering if they really were any better than Booth as he parked the car. Angela wobbled-stomped her way towards Seeley's office and didn't even knock, just shoved the door opened, looking like a pregnant warrior. God, he loved that woman!**

**Smirking, Jack stood slightly behind, just watching the show.**

**"Hello, Booth."**

**Angela said as a greeting then closed the door behind her.**

Booth looked up from his chair in shock, eyes widening at the sight of Angela; heavily pregnant, disheveled and shooting daggers at him with her eyes.

She on the other hand was pretty happy to see that he didn't look happy at all. Dark circles underneath his eyes, hair standing up in all directions and mouth dropped on a pitiful expression. Angela was an expert in relationships and she'd bet the last dime of her next pay that he only allowed himself to be this miserable when Hannah wasn't around. She'd also bet he had already came to the pretty harsh realization that he had made a terrible mistake. But being the manly man, he also refused to admit that to anyone else but himself.

Well, unluckily for Seeley Booth, Angela's loyalty laid with the woman currently at the hospital in suicide watch, so she could care less that he was miserable with the decision he made six months before. Actually, she was glad she was about to make him twice more miserable.

"Angela? What are you doing here?" Booth asked, eyes throbbing from the nasty headache he'd had for a couple of days.

"What, Mr. FBI man, not happy to see an _old _friend?" She wobbled towards his desk but didn't sit down, since she didn't intend to prolong the conversation.

"Angela, of course that's not what I meant. I'm only surprised, that's all."

"Oh, I see. Well, you're about to get a little more surprised. Remember Temperance Brennan? Your ex-partner? The woman you broke and left behind?"

Booth narrowed his eyes and winced.

"I didn't leave her, Angela… I just… well, I don't expect you to understand."

Behind them, from his point of view at the door, Jack winced. _Uh oh…_

"Oh, really, Booth? I mean, what is there to understand? Brennan would't speak to me. We could tell she was hurt you left and we could also tell something else happened but we didn't know what until today. So please, since I don't _understand_, enlighten me as to why would you possibly leave a 7 year partnership behind after _sleeping with her _and breaking her heart in the process?"

Booth couldn't find anything to say. Guilt had been eating away at him since the day he entered Bones office to talk to her about ending their partnership.

"Well, anyway, I don't care about your explanations, really. I just came to deliver some news. Brennan is at the hospital and if you're half the man I think you are, you'll come to visit since it's your damn fault she was hospitalized in the first place."

Guilt tried to ease it's way into Angela's heart as she watched all color drop from Booth's face and his mouth slacken in shock. But she kicked it out and focused only on her anger instead.

"Bones is in the hospital? What happened? Was there an accident?"

Booth shot questions as he jumped up from his chair and grabbed his jacket, shaking so hard he was having trouble putting it on. He was halfway towards the door when he noticed Angela hadn't moved. Jack grabbed Booth's arm with a sympathy that came from his silent observation and the fact that he knew what was it like to be so confused and so powerless when the woman you loved didn't want to be in a relationship with you, that you did crazy things without really meaning to.

"G-man, I think you should sit down for this. Really." He whispered, pushing Booth into one of the chairs near the door.

Angela raised her eyebrow at her husband but didn't say anything.

"Brennan tried to kill herself last night. The night guard found her in the office, overdosed in sleeping pills. She's on suicide watch."

Booth collapsed like a broken doll. His legs gave and he fell into the chair Jack had been trying to make him sit on and put his head on his hands.

"Doctor diagnosed her with severe depression. She isn't eating or speaking. She's unresponsive and they won't release her until they know she won't try it again. I think if she doesn't get enough help with this, she will. She left no suicide note; she waited until she was sure the possibilities of someone finding her in time were slim to none. She meant it; this was no call for help. Luckily for her, I think the night guard likes to check up on her sometimes when he knows she's working late. So, Booth, I think you should step up and be a man. You broke her, now you'll fix her, or so help me God, I'll make your life a living hell."

Booth shook his head in denial. He couldn't grasp the concept of Bones overdosing in sleeping pills. She was strong, self-sufficient…

"Angela, I don't think Bones would kill herself because of me. That's not possible!"

"You're right. She didn't try to kill herself because of you. She tried to kill herself because she was pregnant and miscarried. It's still your damn fault anyway!"

_Five months and 2 weeks before_

Brennan couldn't explain the awful feeling in her chest when she had woken up the next day and found Booth had left. The hurt only got worse when she found the note. Since that night, their relationship had been strained at best and she lacked the social skills needed to try and approach Booth to work out a solution; she just didn't know what the hell to do. On top of that, she was going to have to tell him she was pregnant. And she was terrified; of telling him, of the thought of becoming a mother, of screwing up.

Distracted by her thoughts while pretending to be engrossed on a skull in front of her, Bones didn't realize Booth had entered her office until he called her name.

"Booth! What are you doing here? Do we have a case?" She wasn't sure her legs would support her, so she chose to stay seated. His face was closed off and guarded, eyes not meeting hers. Bones didn't like the way they made her feel like something terrible was just about to happen.

"Bones, we need to talk."

He delivered the news coldly, detachedly, like he was informing her about the weather. Bones could feel all the muscles on her face slacken from the shock as her brain tried to process that he was abandoning her too. He had promised never to leave her; and now he was calmly telling her he was severing their partnership and their friendship, at least until Hannah calmed down a little and changed her mind.

Brennan nodded and her head felt like it was suspended from her body by a thousand balloons. Her extremities had no feeling whatsoever in them and her heart felt punched through. Booth never waited for her to talk. With a kiss on the cheek and a squeeze on her icy hand he left her behind, like so many had done before him and destroyed the foundation that would later bring her to her knees.

**#BONES# **


	4. Chapter 4

**When I fall**

**Chapter 4**

**By Iana**

**Author's notes:**

**Is anyone still reading this? *looks around* I hope so!**

**I hope everyone likes this chapter. It was very difficult for me to write it! Thanks for reading and don't forget: leave me a review, please; it feeds my muse! =)**

**Thanks a lot to all of you who took a couple minutes of your day to leave me a comment. I loved every single one of them, thanks for the love! =***

**#BONES# **

"_And I wonder if I ever cross your mind; for me it happens all the time._

_It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now…"_

**#BONES#**

_**Remembering….**_

**Brennan nodded and her head felt like it was suspended from her body by a thousand balloons. Her extremities had no feeling whatsoever in them and her heart felt punched through. Booth never waited for her to talk. With a kiss on the cheek and a squeeze on her icy hand he left her behind, like so many had done before him and destroyed the foundation that would later bring her to her knees.**

**#BONES# **

_Present day_

To Angela's surprise, Booth placed his head in his hands and cried. Not knowing exactly what to do now that her anger had been swiftly replaced by pity and sorrow, she just gaped at him. Jack was the one who ran over to comfort, placing a supportive arm around Booth's shoulders.

"It's going to be ok, man. You'll see." Jack said and wondered just how they had managed to make such a huge mess of things. A little more time was all that Booth needed. He was sure of that. All of them could see that Dr. Brennan was cracking; if Booth had only waited a little longer instead of hooking up with Hannah… It had been nice to have Dr. Brennan at their home, to chat over cups of hot chocolate and offer advice. And he wished Angela and him had made a bigger effort not to let Dr. Brennan shied away from them with such ease.

Booth raised his leaking eyes to Angela with such desperation that she suddenly wished, despite all her anger towards him, that she had delivered the news not so harshly. "Angela, please, tell me she'll be okay… Please!"

Angela sighed and walked towards him, kneeling down in front of his chair and sat on her ankles to get better leverage for the belly. She placed both hands on his knees and tried to urge her hormones to calm down so she could talk to him without wanting to rip his head off.

"Booth, I can't tell you that. The doctor said that physically, she'll get better; emotionally I don't know. What I don't understand is why you guys had to make such a mess of such a simple thing!"

Seeley rubbed his face with both hands on pondered on that. He felt like he hadn't taken one single right turn ever since the night he had declared his love for Bones and she had said no.

"Angela, I took a chance. She said no."

Angela smacked him on the side of the head.

"Of course she said no, you imbecile! Brennan is afraid of rejection; she's socially impaired and she has abandonment issues. It's a knee jerk for her to run from this type of emotion! Do you know how long it took me to become her best friend? She doesn't trust people easily and she sure as hell wasn't going to just jump in your arms and declare her undying love. Unconsciously she said no and tested you. And what did you do? You go of to Afghanistan and come back with Hannah!"

Booth gaped at her. Why did it make so much sense now that Angela was explaining it to him? Why couldn't he see it before?

"Angela, I…"

She raised a hand and pulled herself up gingerly because her legs were starting to go numb.

"Booth, we can talk more about this later. Right now, we need to go to the hospital because Brennan has probably woken up by now." She pushed a finger in his chest when he rose from the chair.

"You need to step up. Be the man I've always respected and don't let Hannah dictate your life. Brennan's been in your life for 7 years; Hannah for 7 minutes. And frankly, don't let her cross my path while I'm carrying this baby or I might just let her know exactly what I think about woman who pulls this kind of crap to hold a man."

She ranted and turned towards the door. Jack just looked at him sheepishly. Suddenly, she turned around again when they were walking towards the elevator and pressed her finger against his chest once more.

"Oh, and by the way: shame on you Seeley Booth, for letting yourself be manipulated like that. Shame on you!"

**#BONES#**

Bones opened her eyes slowly, almost painstakingly. Every single bone in her body hurt and she straightened her legs to get rid of the feeling that the joints had rusted. Her knees popped. Outside, the sun shone brightly, birds sang and the day was beautiful. All that Brennan could think though, was that she would be almost seven months pregnant if her body hadn't done such a poor job of nursing Booth's fetus. No, not fetus. Child, baby; her baby girl.

Her eyes filled and she closed them again, ready to go back to the sweet oblivion that sleep provided her. She didn't want to function anymore. She didn't have any reason to. She just wanted to forget.

**#BONES#**

Angela, Booth and Hodgins arrived at the hospital in contemplative silence. Booth was suffocated by so many feelings that when Hodgins parked the car he jumped out and gulped in a lungful of air to try and dislodge the awful lump in his throat.

They walked towards the reception area and Angela asked the nurse behind the counter to page Brennan's doctor so that Booth could speak to her. While they waited, she gave Sweets a call and after quickly biting his head off for not telling them about Brennan's miscarriage, hung up on him with a scowl.

"Men!"

Jack grimaced at the hormonal, womanly outburst and because he knew better, kept himself quiet. Booth was slumped on a chair, head on his hands and deep in thought while Angela wobbled from side to side in nervous energy. Jack made himself a mental note to give her a foot massage when they got home so they wouldn't swell too much.

Dr. Hawthorne arrived quickly, a smile on her pretty, Asian shaped face. Introductions made, she extended a hand for Booth to shake, instantly taking pity in the devastated looking man in front of her. "Mr. Booth, I'm really sorry about the whole situation. Let's sit down so we can talk for a minute."

The doctor guided them to a more private waiting room and after everyone was sitted, explained to Booth in details exactly what she had told Angela. Brennan's condition hadn't improved at all and it would be better if they could try to get in contact with her psychologist to see if maybe he could get some sort of reaction out of her.

"I already talked to Sweets, but I know he isn't going to be able to help, Dr. The only person in the world who can reach Brennan is Booth. If he can't, then well, I don't really know what we'll do because we're pretty much all she has. I can try to reach her father and her brother but I don't think it will help. She's not that close to them." Angela said.

Dr. Hawthorne frowned.

"Well, let's see what you can do then, Mr. Booth."

She got up and with a hand, signaled for them to follow her. On the way to Brennan's room, Dr. Hawthorne explained that it may be disturbing for them to see Brennan in that situation and in that condition but they must try to understand that she was emotionally disturbed and needed time to heal. Booth felt like he had suddenly started living someone else's life. He couldn't believe Bones had really tried to kill herself.

He tried to picture a world without her in it and the pain was so great he actually paused in the middle of the hallway, hand palmed against his chest in a futile attempt to get it to stop the painful racing. He had to make everything ok. He had to. There was no way he was going to let Bones try killing herself again.

He resumed walking slowly, creeped out by the glass rooms and padded cells. Unbidden, a thought of their only night, so many months ago came to his mind and he felt his eyes start to water. It had been beautiful. In a couple of hours, Bones had managed to show him everything she couldn't say. Her touch, her kiss, her body had molded and transformed him.

They arrived at Brennan's room and from outside they could see her, curled up in bed, back to them. The bed sheet covered her up to her chin and all they could really see was the mop of red-brownish hair. Booth's heart immediately jumped to his throat and he found himself opening the door and entering the room, leaving Dr. Hawthorne saying something he wasn't paying the least attention to.

The door closed softly behind him and vaguely he thought that at least he would have some sort of privacy, even if he knew they would be watching from behind the one-way glass. His feet were blocks of cement, his hands blocks of ice on the end of his arms. He had never felt so cold in his whole life. His mind was bombarded by thoughts of Thai dinners and laughs and closing cases and misplaced colloquialisms. He remembered her eyes and her moans and her sighs. He remembered the curves of her body and the way she tasted. And then he wondered: How had she looked, round and soft with his child nested inside of her? Was it a boy, or a girl? Had she named it? Had she buried it?

And the thought of a tiny casket brought him to his knees in the middle of the room.

**#BONES#**


	5. Chapter 5

**When I fall**

**Chapter 5**

**By Iana**

**Author's notes:**

**Guys, you are amazing! Thanks so much for all the nice reviews! **

**I don't remember being mentioned in "The Doctor in the Photo" what month of the year it happened exactly. So, for plot purposes, I'm putting that particular episode in November 2010. Have in mind that December 2010 Bones enters her first month of pregnancy. ;-) **

**Stay with me, people!**

**#BONES# **

"_And that was the day that I promised I'd never sing of love, if it doesn't exist._

_But darling you are, the only exception. _

_You are the only exception and I'm on my way to believing it. "_

**#BONES#**

_**Remembering….**_

**The door closed softly behind him and vaguely he thought that at least he would have some sort of privacy, even if he knew they would be watching from behind the one-way glass. His feet were blocks of cement, his hands blocks of ice on the end of his arms. He had never felt so cold in his whole life. His mind was bombarded by thoughts of Thai dinners and laughs and closing cases and misplaced colloquialisms. He remembered her eyes and her moans and her sighs. He remembered the curves of her body and the way she tasted. And then he wondered: How had she looked, round and soft with his child nested inside of her? Was it a boy, or a girl? Had she named it? Had she buried it? **

** And the thought of a tiny casket brought him to his knees in the middle of the room. **

**#BONES# **

_3 months before- February 2011_

Bones walked through the streets at her lunch hour, huddled close in her winter coat. The winter in Washington had been particularly cold this year but she didn't really mind it. Her hands were deep in her pockets as she wondered the streets absent-mindedly, her head a million miles away.

The concept of the fetus growing inside of her body was still foreign to her. She was taking all the proper vitamins and getting regular check-ups; she'd seen the tiny 10cm alien shaped human in a 3D ultrasound and marveled a little at the features that had already formed on something so small. As a scientist, Brennan knew everything that was happening to the person residing inside her womb at its three short months of life. She knew all its organs were developed and functioning. She knew it had fingerprints and it was mostly fully formed. She knew it had hiccups.

But she also knew her brain was having a hard time catching up with everything happening inside her body. Every time she entered the doctor's office for a pelvic exam and ultrasound; her second so far, she felt detached from her body, like she was living someone else's life. Deep down, she ached to talk to Angela about everything. Tell her all that bothered her and compare symptoms. Tell how peculiar it was that Angela had such a hard time with morning sickness whereas Brennan was getting by like a breeze.

She pondered on the thought of telling her friend everything; of just laying her head down on Angie's lap and crying until that awful feeling in her chest, that tightness that was present ever since Booth left went away. But Brennan also knew that once she started crying she wouldn't stop and also that Angela would be so mad she'd want to go kill Booth. And in the process tell him about the pregnancy which Brennan didn't want him to know about.

Maybe when the baby was born, she could approach him to check their options. Maybe he'd never know. She was too busy being concerned about her own thoughts and feelings to worry about his at that particular moment. Her thoughts were broken when she suddenly found herself in front of a baby store. Trinkets and stuffed animals shared space with baby appliances and furniture behind the glass window. And then, with the instinct and softness that only the impending motherhood could bring, she entered the small store.

The bell above the door gave a welcome and Brennan's eyes searched the store. For the most part of her lunch hour she browsed, fingers occasionally touching the soft fur of a stuffed monkey with a pink bow around his neck or the cotton soft material of a cross stitched blanket. The smells fascinated her. Almost at the end of the store she found an onesie. It was white with a yellow baby duck in glasses holding a pipette on the middle and it said: My mommy, the LAB TECH, thinks I am the cutest organism ever!"

She left the store with two. The other one said: "My DADDY the lab tech…" and she intended to give it to Hodgins as a gift.

That onesie represented the day Brennan fell in love with her baby for real.

**#BONES#**

_Present day _

Both managed to gather some semblance of control and raised his head from his hands. Bones hadn't moved. Legs shaking, he got up from the floor and walked the rest of the way towards the bed. Brennan was still asleep and the punch of surprise her appearance brought him went straight to his already constricting chest.

Her hair was longer. Almost brushing her shoulders again, bangs over her eyebrows; they needed a trim. Her pale complexion was waxy now, purple circles underneath her eyes. Not matter how much the doctor said she was sleeping they wouldn't go away, it seemed. Legs unable to support him any longer, Booth sat down on the chair next to the bed and kept silently reacquainting himself with her features.

Her right hand was resting underneath her chin, curled on a loose fist. By the sharp look of the bone jutting out of the skin on her wrist, he could see the alarming amount of weight she had lost. And since she was as lean as a willow tree, Booth knew she didn't have any to spare. With a painful sigh, he raised a shaky hand and brushed a lock of hair behind her ear, softly rubbing his thumb over her cheek. He remembered waking up next to her on their first and only night together and marveling at the cute blush their lovemaking and the warmth from the covers had brought to her cheeks and thinking she was so beautiful she stole his breath away. And then he had come to his senses so abruptly he had jumped from the bed and locked himself in her bathroom.

Booth pondered if everything that had happened hadn't been a way for him to punish himself for breaking his vow of never cheating on a woman he engaged in a relationship with. Hannah had been the first. But then, he also pondered if deep down, on the most dark and hidden corners of his heart he hadn't actually been cheating on Bones this whole time.

He had tried to deny, tried to make himself feel something but the painful truth was that he could never love Hannah the way he wanted to. He could never love her like he loved Bones. Despite everything that had happened or that could happen he wouldn't hesitate to run to her whenever she needed him to.

Booth wished the veil had been lifted from his eyes before this. He wished that in punishing himself, he hadn't made such a mess of things and managed to punish Bones in the process. And that he had been able to run to her when things got rough like he always promised her he would. Instead, he had left her alone to deal with yet another loss, another abandonment.

He ran his fingers over her face, her hair, the back of her hand, all the while trying to come to terms with his guilt and his own loss. Until he heard about the miscarriage he never realize how happy he'd be having a baby with Bones. Guess that was one of those things you never realized you wanted until you lost it.

"I'm so sorry, Bones… Please, please, get better… I'm sorry…"

He pressed her hand against his face and whispered on her palm, closing his eyes.

When he opened them again, she was staring right into his soul.

**#BONES#**


	6. Chapter 6

**When I fall**

**Chapter 6**

**By Iana**

**Author's notes:**

**To "Little Latina", "meg", "clarkloveslana" and all of you who leave such nice comments for every chapter and make my day with your little notes: THANK YOU!**

**Also, ****muchdifrent92 alerted me about a mistake on the first chapter: that Lance Sweets is a psychologist and not a psychiatrist as I said and therefore would me unable to prescribe drugs. I'm very sorry about that! #****blushes#****. Once again I plead the "plot amendment" and ask you to pretend that he's actually a psychiatrist. =)**

**Now back to business:**

**#BONES# **

"_I've got a tight grip on reality but I can't_

_Can't let go of what's in front of me here._

_I know you're leaving me in the morning when you wake up,_

_Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream… "_

**#BONES#**

_2 months before – March 2011_

Brennan was starting to show. Thankfully, it was winter so she had plenty of excuses to wear large sweaters and blouses. Her face also wasn't getting round yet so she managed to hide the pregnancy pretty well; but her pants were getting tighter. Now it was uncomfortable for her to sit, the button pressed against her lower abdomen, so she usually opened her pants a little when she sat and covered the edge with her sweater so no one would notice.

The day before she had her mid-pregnancy ultrasound and she could barely control her emotions. She had cried a lot and blamed on the hormones. It had 16 cm now and was sucking its thumb when the doctor had positioned the wand near its face to measure its skull. Brennan's heart had soared and then, when the doctor moved lower to check limbs and other organs such as bladder and kidneys, she spotted the clear outline of a vagina. The doctor confirmed and it was how she found out she was going to have a little girl.

That brought a whole new set of tears and she cried in her car for a long time before returning to the Jeffersonian. Angela was also having a little girl so now Brennan ached more than ever to share the news with her friend. She could imagine both little girls playing together, getting into all sorts of mischief, being best friends as their mothers were. And then she had cried harder because she realized Booth would love to have a baby girl. A little sister for Parker; She just knew he didn't want it with her. She missed Parker. Deep down she'd always felt as if he was hers and when Booth had abandoned her, he had also deprived her of Parker and she missed the little boy terribly.

Back at the Jeffersonian, Brennan started working on a set of bones from the limbo. She was bent at the waist, examining a fissure on the victim's collarbone when suddenly a strange rolling motion below her ribs made her pause in shock. Her hand flew to cover the patch of skin; she held her breath and waited. Surely, not long after, another rolling motion. Brennan closed her eyes to keep the tears at bay. She was moving! Her baby girl was moving!

**#BONES#**

_Present day_

Booth stared at her in shock. Her blue eyes were now a shade of grayish despair, a frown marrying her pretty face. It seemed like a decade since the last time he had seen her and he felt another pull of guilt for leaving the best thing in his life behind.

"Bones?"

She kept staring at him with those bottomless eyes and it creeped him out. He raised a hand tentatively as not to scare her and ran it through her hair. Her eyes never wavered and she didn't blink. Booth curled a hand under her ear and pulled her head forward to touch his forehead to hers.

"I'm sorry, Bones… I'm so, so sorry! Please forgive, please, please…."

He kept whispering to her and somewhere between the 'I'm sorry' and 'Please', he brushed his lips against hers. Once, twice… And then he was kissing her and she was responding and his heart was soaring.

"NO! NO! NO!"

She pushed him away, eyes blazing, furious and clawed at his face, screaming bloody murder. Booth could only stare; shocked as he was suddenly thrown out of the cloud he was in straight into a pit of fire. Brennan was like a mad woman, pulling at her wrists to try to slap him and twisting her body on the bed. She didn't have much strength since she had been eating precariously so it was pretty easy to control her. The IV on her hand was pulled out and blood splashed on Booth's wrist.

"Bones! Tempe, calm the hell down!"

He shook her once and she snarled at him.

"NO! NO! NO!"

The scratch marks on his face burned.

"I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! YOU LEFT! YOU LEFT!"

His stomach dropped to his feet and his heart thumped once and went strangely quiet. She was breathing harshly and tears were streaming down her face as she slumped into his arms and started crying like he had never seen her cry before. Her breath hiccupped and she wheezed like she was having an asthma attack.

"I know, baby… I'm sorry… Please calm down… Breathe…"

It was useless. She sobbed and trashed because she couldn't control her breathing. Booth watched in shock as his controlled, no nonsense partner snapped like a too-tight rubber band. A nurse entered the room quickly and while he still held Bones tightly to avoid her thrashing and hurting herself, injected something on the vein of her left arm.

Brennan immediately went limp on his arms and her breathing evened out, the occasional sob bursting through her cracked lips. He laid her down slowly on the bed, heart galloping like it wanted to burst through his rib-cage and leave the premises.

She looked at him with a world of hurt in her eyes.

"You left me… You promised… And you left me…"

Brennan whispered at him and closed her eyes as the medicine knocked her out cold; and therefore, missed the look of utter devastation on her partner's face.

**#BONES#**

Outside, Angela, Dr. Hawthorne and Hodgins watched in shock as Booth fell to his knees. After that, wanting to give them some privacy, they went to the other side of the corridor, still in front of Brennan's room and started to talk.

Angela called Sweets again and told him not to come to the hospital. They already had Booth and their meeting was probably going to run Brennan to the bone; literally. He could come on the next day to do damage control. She then called Brennan's father and brother, who promised they would be there on the next day as well.

She was hanging up the phone after talking to Max when all hell broke loose. They saw Brennan leap out of bed like a woman possessed and attack Booth. He controlled her easily and they watched in shock as Bones snapped.

She wobbled towards the door and made a move to enter when Dr. Hawthorne placed a hand on her arm to stop her.

"No, no. Leave them."

A nurse brushed past them into the room.

"That's the most responsive she's been since she arrived the hospital. I think we're on the right path here, Angela."

Watching the nurse insert what looked like a ten inch needle in her best friend's vein, Angela thought that if this was the path to recovery, Booth was in for a bumpy ride.

**#BONES#**


	7. Chapter 7

**When I fall**

**Chapter 7**

**By Iana**

**Author's notes:**

**Anyone still following this? =) **

**I really hope so!**

**Sorry about the delay everyone, I had a busy, busy month. **

**This chapter is filled with angst and has a nice little cliffhanger that I hope doesn't get you mad at me. =)**

**Thanks once again for all the amazing reviews! **

**#BONES# **

"_How could I just let you walk away, just let you leave without a trace?_

_When I stand here taking every breath with you…_

_You're the only one who really knew me at all…_

_How can you just walk away from me, when all I can do is watch you leave?_

'_Cause we shared the laughter and the pain and even shared the tears._

_You're the only one, who really knew me at all. "_

**#BONES#**

_1 month before – April 10__th__, 2011 _

The nurse placed the little bundle on Bones' arms, a sympathetic expression on her face. Later, Brennan wouldn't be able to tell if the woman was black or white, old or young, tall or short or if it was a woman after all.

Her whole universe had just collapsed on itself and her world was back upside down. It centered on the immobile infant nestled inside the pink blanket she had chosen so carefully just the week before. It centered on the terrible immobility and the way she longed to nurse the tiny life that would never do so.

Tears fell from her face and dropped slowly on the pink blanket.

She had her tiny eyes closed and Brennan ran a finger over her features, tracing the face she'd never see again. She'd never know if she'd have her striking blue eyes or Booth's baby browns. She'd never know what color her hair would become or if she'd resemble her father or her mother.

Brennan counted tiny fingers and toes and tried to come to grasp as to why everyone in her life seemed to leave her.

The scene was so intense; the nurse left almost in tears herself.

For the whole night, Brennan held her baby girl and memorized her tiny face. She took a picture, because her baby would never be forgotten.

And when the nurse came to take the infant away, Brennan had to be sedated. She screamed and yelled and held the tiny body close to her aching breasts. When the prick of the needle finally made her release the precious bundle, she called for Booth.

He never came.

**#BONES#**

_Present day_

Booth was a mess. After Brennan had been sedated, he talked to Dr. Hawthorne who actually said they were making some progress. Oh, well, what kind of progress was that? His face stung and after taking a good look in the rearview mirror, he found out why; as three gashes marred his left cheek. She had actually drawn blood. But he wasn't going to complain about it because the physical pain he felt was nothing compared to the emotional pain she was in.

Between Angela and him, they had managed to contact Sweets, Clark, Cam and even Zack to explain the situation. Cowardly, he had left before any of them arrived, saying he'd be back in a couple of hours. For the first time is his life since he was a little boy Boot felt he didn't know what to do, which path to take.

His love for Temperance was very much present now and it was something he couldn't ignore anymore. Damnit! He should've never agreed to Hannah's request. He should have realized Bones would come to her senses. She was always slow to deal with her emotions.

His temples throbbed from a tension headache and he drove home as fast as he could, not wanting to leave Bones alone at the hospital for too long. Dreading his meeting with Hannah, he entered the apartment and sure enough she was sitting on the couch, an angry expression on her face.

"Seeley, do you KNOW what time it is? I've called your cell phone a thousand times! I called your office, your boss and…"

"Shut up."

Hannah blinked.

"What?"

"I said shut up. Please stop talking for just a second." Booth said and dropped on the couch, head on his hands. He couldn't deny that he and Hannah would never work out; specially now with the sudden turn of events. And suddenly he felt bone tired over the terrible waste of time that was all this pretending, this trying to get over Brennan; this hurting several people in the process. But of all of them, she was the one who got the worst of the pain. Because of his stupidity and his inability to see that she just needed a little more time to see how amazing they could be together.

The thought that Brennan and him could be together now, waiting anxiously for the birth of their baby kept running through his mind almost making him crazy with guilt and despair. With a growl, he fisted both hands on his hair and pulled, out of frustration.

"Seeley, what the hell is going on?"

He raised his aching eyes to see a very pissed off Hannah in front of him, hands on her hips. Looking at her, he wondered how the hell he could've possibly thought this woman would make him happy from 30, 40 years.

"Hannah, we need to talk."

After that it got pretty nasty.

To his credit, he tried to be nice about it, despite the invisible nails being hammered on his skull through his eyeballs. He explained to her that he had tried but he was still in love with Brennan, he explained about the baby and about Brennan's attempted suicide.

She had became quite insane after that, something about not letting him just dismiss her and the time she had invested in their relationship. He turned towards the bathroom, muttering something about taking a shower and going back to the hospital when she stopped him dead on his tracks with a single sentence.

**#BONES#**


	8. Chapter 8

**When I fall**

**Chapter 8**

**By Iana**

**#BONES# **

_Oh, I miss you. I miss being overwhelmed by you._

_And I need rescue, I think I'm fading away. But I keep thinking that you'll wake me up with a whisper in my ear. And I keep hoping that you'll sneak in my room._

_So I wait. And I wait. And I run old scenes through my tired head; of the days that we laid by the school and said forever. Was that the best I'll ever be?_

**#BONES# **

**Remembering…**

**She had became quite insane after that, something about not letting him just dismiss her and the time she had invested in their relationship. He turned towards the bathroom, muttering something about taking a shower and going back to the hospital when she stopped him dead on his tracks with a single sentence.**

**#BONES# **

_End of April_

Brennan felt detached from her body. Everything was a Herculean effort these days. Just getting up from the bed took her forever. She was sleeping poorly; woke up in ungodly hours with the sound of a baby crying and stumbled halfway towards the nursery before she remembered there was no baby.

She threw herself into work, arriving at the lab as early as she could without drawing suspicious looks from Angela and Cam and leaving as late as she could. The Limbo had become almost like a second house to her.

Without Booth to control her hours and eating patterns; to make sure she was happy and fed, she was just wasting away. The only person who knew about everything was Sweets. Incredibly or not, he was the first one she had called. The hospital made sure that she was getting psychological help before releasing her; after all, she had been unresponsive for two days after the miscarriage.

He had been incredibly empathetic. He had actually cried on their first session and was sworn to secrecy that he wouldn't tell anyone about what was going on. He couldn't even hint to Angela or anyone else that something was wrong. It had been the only way Bones would agree to keep their weekly session. After the first couple of weeks, he had changed it to 2 days a week and they just talked about nothing important until she was prepared to share something emotionally relevant to him.

It was like pulling teeth but Lance didn't mind. He liked Dr. Brennan a lot and he felt awful about her predicament. He just wished Booth could help.

He had prescribed her some sleeping pills because she had confided on him that the baby crying kept her awake half the night. It had worried him deeply and he wondered for a while if maybe it wasn't the time to contact Booth and ask for his help because he wasn't sure Dr. Brennan was improving at all. And Sweets knew that with a loss like that, you need people you loved to support you, otherwise it was that much easy to fall into a pit of despair.

But he didn't call Booth. Or told Angela.

So when Brennan finally snapped, she was alone at the lab. The pills had helped her sleep for almost a week but that day marked the first month of the loss of her baby. She kept feeling fluttering movements in her belly and listened to the cry of a baby for hours. The work at the lab had helped until everyone left and the lights went out. It reminded her of how solitude was a constant presence in her life and how for 5 months she had nursed the idea of never being alone again.

She was tired and achy and she decided that she could just sleep on her office instead of going home because she was just really weary of going home and facing the empty nursery. So, she took a pill and curled on the couch. After almost an hour whit her eyes stubbornly opened, she thought that maybe an extra pill would make her sleep through the whole night and she was going to wake up better. But the first two pills didn't help, so she took two more; but they didn't work either.

By then she was desperate to catch a couple of hours of sleep, but every time she closed her eyes she would get a sudden image of the perfect, although unnaturally bluish face of her baby girl and her eyes popped open again.

Slightly drowsy but unable to really sleep she kept taking one pill after the other until she felt her eyes so, so heavy and her mind muddled.

She never realized the bottle was now empty.

**#BONES# **

Booth turned around slowly to face Hannah. A thousand death sentences ran through his mind. The worst being: I'm pregnant. But what came out of her mouth was much, much, worse and he felt like for the first time in his life, punching a woman in the face.

"I knew."

"You knew? What did you know exactly?"

Hannah immediately regretted speaking up. Booth's eyes were dark and dangerous because he already suspected her answer, even though he didn't want to believe.

"I knew Temperance was in the hospital. And I knew she was pregnant."

He stared at her and locked his jaw with such force his teeth ached. Hannah, knowing that there was no way she was getting away without an explanation, begun to talk, hoping to make him understand.

"The hospital called a month ago, saying they had a Temperance Brennan; that she had miscarried and was calling for you. I told them I'd give you the message. I planned to, Seeley, I swear! But it was our anniversary and you came home in such a happy mood that day, you had flowers, I had the dinner ready I…"

"You selfish, ungrateful bitch!"

Booth whispered, but he could've yelled all the same. She flinched at the hate in his voice and knew at that moment they were over for good. Hannah knew that love was irrational and sometimes selfish; but she also knew she had stepped over a thousand boundaries. Some of them invisible ones she couldn't even begin to understand.

"Seeley…"

"No! I don't want to hear it. How could you?"

"I'm tired being second best! You always run to her first. I wanted to be the important one once for all!"

He sent her another dirty look.

"You'll always be second best to me next to Bones. Leave the keys under the mat when you leave. Today."

Booth turned his back and walked towards the bathroom, not bothered at the least with the sound of sobs behind him.

**#BONES# **

**A.N: Had a sudden inspiration for this chapter and typed away like crazy! Please forgive me for any spelling and/or grammatical errors. (Anyone interested in beta-ing this?)**

**Thanks a lot for all the reviews! =)**


	9. Chapter 9

**When I fall**

**Chapter 9**

**By Iana**

**A.N: Guys, I'm really sorry for taking so long to update! Work is been driving me insane! I also just started a new Glee fanfiction so I think I may actually get carpel tunnel from all this typing. LOL. **

**Anyways, I hope you didn't abandon me or this story and I which this chapter will give you hope for B/B new fluffiness on the series as well.**

**Hugs,**

**Iana**

**#BONES# **

"_Living without you will tear me apart. When I know how it could've been but I don't care what it leads to. _

_Let's make a new start and give love a chance to win, 'cause baby I swear._

_Baby, baby, I swear to you. Anytime you want me to. Baby, baby, I'm here for you. Don't leave me lonely, 'cause I need you."_

**#BONES# **

**Remembering…**

"**You'll always be second best to me next to Bones. Leave the keys under the mat when you leave. Today."**

** Booth turned his back and walked towards the bathroom not bothered at the least with the sound of sobs behind him. **

**#BONES# **

He drove to the hospital like the army of hell was chasing his car. His anger knew no boundaries and his fingers kept flexing with the need to punch something. Or someone.

If he could punch himself in the face he would have. How could he have not seen he was dating this person? It was like waking up next to someone you've never met before.

His tires screeched as he parked near the hospital and he stomped all the way to Brennan's room, scowling at anyone who looked at him. When he got near her room, he realized Angela and Jack had gone home but Cam was standing by the door, staring through the glass.

"Cam?"

She turned sharply to look at him. Her smile was welcoming but a little sad.

"Hey, Seeley. Angela and Jack went home; Angela's feet were really swollen. I had a feeling you'd be back and I didn't want to leave her alone."

Booth turned to look through the glass at Brennan and sighed.

"Thanks, Cam. I really made a mess of things, didn't I?" He added the last part after a pause, sliding his hands in his pockets.

Cam took her time to answer, pondering on her words.

"Seeley, remember when we talked about your feelings for Dr. Brennan? I told you to be sure, didn't I? Because if you started this and realized you made a mistake she'd never open her heart to someone ever again?"

Booth nodded.

"Well, what I was also trying to say was that you needed to give her time. I thought you out of all people would understand that her first instinct would be to run. Well, now it's going to be really difficult to convince her you're not leaving again, you know that, right?"

"I know, Cam. I just… I thought all those years were time enough for her to see I wouldn't leave her. I love her, Cam. Just the way she is and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. And I wanted that baby. I never knew I had it, but now that it's gone, I've realized there's nothing I want more than to make a hundred babies with that woman. And she's going to see that because this time, I'm not giving up."

Cam smiled and placed a gentle hand on his arm.

"I hope you won't. She deserves a man like you, Seeley. I'm going to go now. I think you should go in, spend some time with her. Brennan may not tell you, but I know that just you being there is a great beginning in healing those wounds she has."

She kissed his cheek and grabbing her purse from the chair near the door, left.

Booth kept his eyes on Bones through the glass, yearning. She was sitting up, head turned towards the window. He swallowed. She looked small and fragile and he pondered that sometimes, he forgot that she was as damaged as he was and that if she looked tough, inside she was easily bruised and with wounds yet to close properly.

The biggest regret he had was to realize he had been the one to split a lot of those wounds open. And at that moment, he vowed to make her see that although he was an idiot, he was an idiot who loved her. And he was never leaving her again.

"Bones?"

He walked towards her bed but she didn't turn to look at him. Clearing his throat softly, he approached her bed again, noticing that her hair was now wet, pulled back from her face by a headband. She still looked awfully pale and by the IV in her arm he knew she was still refusing to eat.

Sighing brokenly, Booth placed his hand on top of hers and squeezed, wishing she would respond.

"Bones, I know you're mad at me. And I know you're hurt and I'm really sorry. Could you please at least look at me?"

Nothing.

He wanted to cry. Knowing that it wouldn't do any good, he sat on the chair by her bed, her hand still on his and kept brushing his thumb back and forth on the soft veins on the back of her hand. Booth didn't want to keep staring at her, so he kept his eyes on their linked hands and on the soft movement of his thumb over her skin.

A thousand thoughts kept running through his head and there were a thousand things he wanted to ask her but he knew she wouldn't answer him and he didn't want to disturb her again.

Brennan moved her aching eyes from the window to look at her hand. The movement of Booth's thumb was captivating and she found herself unable to avert her eyes from their linked hands. She was bone tired and wished everything would sort itself out; but it also pained her to know that he was here after all this time out of obligation and not love.

Because if it was not obligation, why hadn't he come when she had called him on the most horrible day of her life? Why hadn't he come to share with her the grief, the pain and the hollowness she was feeling?

"I missed you. For all that was worth, I missed you. I know I was the one to… I know I did a mistake and there were maybe a hundred times I wanted to come to you. Just to talk a little, say 'How do you do' and all that but I was afraid you'd reject me. I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am and how disgusted at myself for being such a weak coward. I thought about you all the time. Sometimes I'd get into my computer at work and spend hours looking at pictures of us, of you and Parker, of the squints and…"

He stopped talking and raised his eyes in surprise when she suddenly burst into tears. Taking her hand from his, she buried her face in her palms as the poison that was burning inside her chest was suddenly washed out by her tears and the wounds begun a slow process of healing. Just listening to his voice after wanting for him to come to her for so long was heavenly.

Booth suddenly realized he was just sitting there like an idiot and jumped up to curl his arms around her shaking frame. He sat down on the bed slowly and pulled her to rest against his chest; cupping the back of her head to bring it under his chin.

"Shhhh, Bones… I got you, baby. I'm sorry… I'm so, so sorry…. Please forgive me, please…"

He murmured softly against her hair, his lips brushing her temple and remembered whispering those same words to her earlier that day and kissing her. Well, he wasn't going to do that again.

But it didn't mean he couldn't run one big hand up and down her back, brush his lips ever so softly against the sweet smelling hair on her temple or close his eyes to relish on the feeling of having her on his arms, so, so close.

"Why didn't you come? I called for you, why didn't you come?"

It was a whisper but he heard it and felt another guilty blow to his chest. Pulling back from her, Booth placed the hand that was on her back on her shoulder, the other still cupping the back of her neck to keep her in place and force her to meet his eyes.

"Bones, I know I was a selfish bastard and you have every right to not believe me, but I didn't know. The hospital called and Hannah answered the phone."

It was implied that Hannah never passed along the message.

Brennan nodded softly, feeling at least one huge weight lift off her chest. He didn't know. He hadn't left her alone to deal with everything because he wanted to. At least not on that matter.

"I made a mistake. I should've realized you needed more time, that I needed to make you see I was serious about loving you and I that I wanted, no, _want_ to spend the rest of my life with you. Hannah was a mistake I made because I was so _hurt_ and frustrated and I just… I wanted her to be you, Bones. I needed her to be you and I blamed all of us when she didn't succeed. Hell, she didn't even come close. And I wanted that baby Bones, so badly I didn't know until I realized we'd lost it. Can you understand that? I LOVE you. And I'm not giving up on us, do you hear me?"

Bones' eyes were huge, tears running down her cheeks and tiny sobs racking her frame. She wanted to believe him, she really did. But she was afraid what it'd do to her if she gave them a chance and he suddenly decided she wasn't good enough and left her again. He brushed his thumb under her eyes to catch the tears and then pulled her into a bone crushing hug.

What he really wanted to do was kiss her again, but after the last time he wasn't sure what her response would be.

"It was a girl."

She whispered against his chest and he pulled back to look at her.

"Bones?"

"The baby…No…OUR baby. It was a girl."

"Oh, Bones."

His face contorted in pain. She looked down at her hands, remembering the feel of that small body on them.

"She was small and perfect. I named her Matilda. It means strength because that's what I had all those months I had her inside of me and what I hoped I would have when I lost her."

Booth brushed her hair softly in sorrow and could almost see that beautiful, beautiful baby.

"That's a beautiful name, Bones. She was a lucky little girl to have you as her mother."

Brennan looked up in surprise and gave him a watery smile. If felt incredibly odd on her face because it stretched muscles she hadn't used for a while.

"Her name was Matilda Parker Brennan Booth. She'd be lucky to have you as her father as well, Booth."

This time, he was the one who burst into tears and she was the one who hugged him, beginning to heal his new wounds and her old ones.

**#BONES# **


	10. Chapter 10

**When I fall**

**Chapter 10**

**By Iana**

**#BONES# **

"_I thought I knew but this doesn't fell right without you. I tried so hard to push away your heart when I should've let it through. I miss your voice; anything else that I hear is just noise." _

**#BONES# **

**Remembering…**

"**That's a beautiful name, Bones. She was a lucky little girl to have you as her mother."**

** Brennan looked up in surprise and gave him a watery smile. If felt incredibly odd on her face because it stretched muscles she hadn't used for a while.**

** "Her name was Matilda Parker Brennan Booth. She'd be lucky to have you as her father as well, Booth."**

** This time, he was the one who burst into tears and she was the one who hugged him, beginning to heal his new wounds and her old ones. **

**#BONES# **

"Dr. Brennan, I'm really sorry." Sweets was a wreck. His eyes were red-rimmed and had shadows underneath; he looked hunted. He would never be able to make her understand what he had felt when he found out she was in the hospital for attempted suicide.

He felt inadequate in a thousand ways, especially because all he ever wanted, ever since he had met Brennan and Booth was for them to get together. And he felt that most of what had happened was his fault. Maybe if he hadn't meddled and kept himself like a silent observer, they'd have figured it out for themselves and Dr. Brennan would be much more comfortable accepting Booth's love than she'd been. But he had screwed up. He had been unable to manage the situation and he had also potentially put her in danger. Sweets knew she felt that the loss of Matilda was another abandonment and that he should've contacted Booth as soon as he got the call from the hospital.

"Don't be ridiculous, Sweets. You had no participation in this event. Actually, neither did I because I never intended to kill myself. I only wanted to fall asleep and those pills weren't working."

The boy looked so devastated that Brennan did something she rarely did. She reached out. His head snapped up when she placed a hand on his and squeezed. "Thank you, Lance. I know I wasn't the easiest patient but honestly, you did help me. It was nice to have someone to talk to, even if I felt unable to reach Booth at the time, those sessions we had were successful in releasing in me those emotions and I'm grateful to you for listening and being a friend."

He all but burst into tears. Brennan looked uncomfortable for a moment but with a sigh, placed a hand on his head, which rested close to her hip, and soothed, awkwardly. Motherhood, although brief, had softened her and made her more emphatic towards other people. If Matilda had lived long enough, Brennan realized the little girl would change her to a complete different person and would probably make her mother a much less alienated person.

"Sweetie!" Angela wobbled from the door in the penguin walk women got after the seventh month and made Brennan smile. For that she had her analytic mind to thank. She in no ways related Angela's baby to hers because analytically, she knew they were completely different. She did feel nostalgia but it was nice to not feel suffocated by the thought that Angela would be having a healthy baby in a couple of weeks and she had lost hers. Especially since she had been informed she'd be its godmother.

"Angela!" Sweets regained his composure then, his wet cheeks blushing profusely as he raised his head abruptly and ran his palms over his face.

The pregnant artist pretended she hadn't noticed it, though and enveloped Brennan in a long, albeit awkward due to the size of her belly, hug and promptly burst into relieved tears. When Booth had called to tell them Brennan was much better and was now off the I.V and even eating, Angela hadn't believed it.

She knew how Brennan was and that in those years working together, Angela had realized that her friend had became even more closed up and alienated. When she looked back to that first case together and how easy going Brennan still was, how she laughed and joked and even went out on dates, Angela realized that loving Booth had been a turning point for her friend. And that because it was so hard for Brennan to realize love didn't necessarily mean you were going to get hurt, it was exactly what had happened.

Everything she had fought so hard to prevent: loosing Booth as a friend had happened, even if she hadn't actually lost him. Angela thought that he had simply been misplaced for a while.

"What the hell?" Booth got in the room, a huge bouquet of blood red roses on his arms and the cutest teddy bear Angela had ever seen. It was big, almost the length of his arm, a warm mocha color. His left arm was bandaged as well as his head and he had a sad expression. A heart on his good arm said: "I need a get well hug".

"Booth!" Angela left Brennan's side to wobble towards the confused agent and give him a long hug. Bones was blushing a millions shades of red and Sweets was still trying to control himself.

Booth hugged the pregnant artist as best as he could but his eyes locked with Brennan's over Angela's shoulder and he smiled at her. Bones' eyes watered and he finally stepped back from Angela to cross the room.

"Hey." Sweets and Angela were promptly forgotten as they looked at each other. Brennan was getting much better and in only three days she'd been eating and even talked to the doctor despite refusing to talk to the hospital psychiatrist, saying she'd rather keep her sessions with Sweets.

"Hey." He handed her the roses and Brennan took the bouquet, bringing them to her face in a very common gesture among women all over the world. The blood red roses were the most beautiful ones she'd ever seen, most of them opened to their fullest and a few peeking buds. Did she dare think that those red roses meant love and passion?

Feeling awkward and still a bit overwhelmed, Brennan buried her face in the roses again and avoided Booth's eyes. She was feeling as if she could burst from a happiness that knew no bounds and at the same time heavy with dread because even though they had talked a little she still had no idea where they stood as a couple; hell, even as friends and she didn't know if she was going to be able to take another chance with her heart.

"I brought this little guy to keep you company until you can go home." Booth cupped the bear under its arms with both hands to face Bones and wiggled it from side to side.

Brennan placed the roses next to her on the bed and reached for the cute stuffed animal. Its fur was soft and smelled like baby powder. Like she'd done with the roses, Brennan buried her face in the fur and like a wave she suddenly found herself overwhelmed by so many emotions that one minute she wanted to giggle and now she was crying.

"Bones? What's wrong? You didn't like it; I'll get it back and…" Booth panicked, reaching for the bear. Bones pulled it back and hugged it tighter to her chest, wetting the bandage on its head with her tears.

"I just… Booth…" Feeling like someone had just knocked him over the head; Booth looked around to ask for Angela's help only to find that she had left with Sweets, probably to give the two of them some privacy.

"Bones, c'mon, don't cry…" He whispered and sat down gingerly on the bead, pulling her on a tight embrace.

"I…I…" She tried to talk but the hiccups would let her. Brennan didn't think she'd be able to convey in words what she was feeling at the moment. No amount of words placed together to form an analytical explanation would be able to convey to Booth how _hurt_ she felt that he'd dismissed 7 years of friendship and partnership so easily. How _happy_ she was that he was back; that she got to hug him like this again and breathe into his scent. How _sad_ she was that Matilda hadn't lived so her father could spoil her silly. How _unsure_ she felt about their current situation.

"Bones, c'mon, look at me." Booth grabbed her face in both hands and titled it up so he could stare into her eyes. Bones confused the hell out of him but it didn't mean he wouldn't try to understand her in anyway he could.

"I love you. You are everything to me and I'm sorry I was a stupid, proud ass who was too late to realize that you loved me to even though you were afraid. I love Matilda as I love Parker and I want to make dozens of other babies with you if you'd let me. I NEED you in my life and I hope someday you'll forgive me and let me love you with all those details I've always wanted to."

Brennan sighed brokenly and raised a hand to place on top of his. Her eyes closed and she rubbed her face against his palm, trying to think of something to say that would pass her swollen tongue and dry throat.

"Booth, I know I'm socially impaired and that it's difficult for me to talk about love and understand emotions because to me, those aren't feelings I can document and prove as something other than hormonal explosions, but…"

He placed his thumb on her lips to silence her and placed his forehead against hers.

"Bones, love is the victory of imagination over intelligence and that's the way I love you; without understanding any of it, but imagining everything. Just… let me love you, Temperance."

She nodded ever so softly and felt her heart soar in one of those thousand emotions she couldn't explain, when he closed his mouth over hers.

**#BONES# **


End file.
